until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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