I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize