you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
