those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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