I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
