U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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