the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
