My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
This is classic penis vs brain.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
