i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
