We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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