got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
