Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
