Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
