I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
