i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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