somebody snuck up and got me drunk
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
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I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?