Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
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The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
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I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS