how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
