Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(530): View more from California

shit pants at work. discarded underwear.

(1-530): View more from California

just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?

(530): View more from California

yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.

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(530): shit pants at work. discarded underwear. (1-530): just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now? (530): yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye. http://tfl.nu/oxzl

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(407): View more from Florida

I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.

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(407): I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum. http://tfl.nu/t1ss

Replies (27) Good night (866) Bad night (5166)
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(815): View more from Illinois

I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.

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(815): I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe. http://tfl.nu/z3x3

Replies (43) Good night (8111) Bad night (2110)
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(920): View more from Wisconsin

did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?

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(920): did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve? http://tfl.nu/wzep

Replies (3) Good night (1117) Bad night (2886)
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(954): View more from Florida

malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away

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(954): malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away http://tfl.nu/rorw

Replies (10) Good night (3695) Bad night (1120)
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(307): View more from Wyoming

It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face

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(307): It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face http://tfl.nu/4yyh

Replies (10) Good night (2514) Bad night (1093)
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(586): View more from Michigan

omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"

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(586): omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather" http://tfl.nu/v5jx

Replies (8) Good night (1556) Bad night (1065)
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(562): View more from California

I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.

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(562): I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy. http://tfl.nu/l30m

Replies (9) Good night (3420) Bad night (931)
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(503): View more from Oregon

So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.

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(503): So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep. http://tfl.nu/t5yr

Replies (5) Good night (2080) Bad night (781)
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(619): View more from California

Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.

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(619): Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't. http://tfl.nu/8mv6

Replies (14) Good night (4540) Bad night (1586)
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(508): View more from Massachusetts

I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.

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(508): I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine. http://tfl.nu/hmlf

Replies (5) Good night (1481) Bad night (933)
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(775): View more from Nevada

Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy

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(775): Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy http://tfl.nu/2l3y

Replies (5) Good night (1387) Bad night (463)
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(505): View more from New Mexico

Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter

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(505): Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter http://tfl.nu/c0ww

Replies (5) Good night (1125) Bad night (397)
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(574): View more from Indiana

I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.

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(574): I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it. http://tfl.nu/5b4k

Replies (4) Good night (603) Bad night (741)
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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE

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(724): YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE http://tfl.nu/f19v

Replies (6) Good night (102) Bad night (452)

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