my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
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