So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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