I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
You smell like stripper and shame
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
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Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
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I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.