I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
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Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
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There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited