after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.