Texts From Last Night

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  (804): View more from Virginia

  please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.

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  (804): please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash. http://tfl.nu/od6g
  Replies (5) Good night (582) Bad night (2943)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.

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  (850): He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person. http://tfl.nu/yofm
  Replies (13) Good night (701) Bad night (4222)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.

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  (612): I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement. http://tfl.nu/3cr8
  Replies (27) Good night (5726) Bad night (767)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"

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  (517): the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed" http://tfl.nu/ho10
  Replies (132) Good night (5100) Bad night (740)
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.

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  (601): I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win. http://tfl.nu/cl0o
  Replies (67) Good night (6732) Bad night (673)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent

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  (612): i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent http://tfl.nu/7y58
  Replies (13) Good night (5659) Bad night (709)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...

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  (812): Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people... http://tfl.nu/4gx3
  Replies (16) Good night (2211) Bad night (5692)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.

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  (617): it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina. http://tfl.nu/7xv1
  Replies (14) Good night (1210) Bad night (4294)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay

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  (513): He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay http://tfl.nu/cp59
  Replies (4) Good night (3405) Bad night (1014)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..

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  (410): And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love.. http://tfl.nu/9pu8
  Replies (19) Good night (5168) Bad night (1140)
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  (516): View more from New York

  PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.

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  (516): PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated. http://tfl.nu/z915
  Replies (4) Good night (1368) Bad night (474)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries

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  (813): Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries http://tfl.nu/fs2y
  Replies (0) Good night (959) Bad night (423)
• Favorite

  (563): View more from Iowa

  You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.

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  (563): You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar. http://tfl.nu/9hcy
  Replies (7) Good night (2057) Bad night (631)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.

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  (720): In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day. http://tfl.nu/haxq
  Replies (3) Good night (706) Bad night (195)
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.

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  (903): I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you. http://tfl.nu/6dmy
  Replies (1) Good night (660) Bad night (194)

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