went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???