Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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