I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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