i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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