thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
