OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
