You were right. It hurts to walk today.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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