Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
