he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
