Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
