Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
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