Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
now i know why i became what i already was.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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