You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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