my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
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