he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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