he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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