And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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