yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
