You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
