he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
