so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
my nose is crying tears of wow.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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