Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
