So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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