Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
We just shotgunned beers for America
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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