we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
