i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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