sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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