I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
