Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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