i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
