somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Randomize
