im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
