somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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