No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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