we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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