I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
