everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
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Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
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We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
pray to the hookup gods
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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