and you said cock pushups were impossible
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
