Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
