I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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