allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
