She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
