I hate all girls vehemently.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
