Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
