New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
