Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Dear god my vagina.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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