i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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