he shaved USA in his pubs
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
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