Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I need to calm my uterus...
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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