and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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