check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
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