I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
