she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
