My cat gives me a boner
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
