Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
