my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
