the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
