Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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