Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Boobs speak an international language.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
